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How to Overcome Insecurity

by Kunti Benson August 02, 2022 8 min read

How to Overcome Insecurity

 

Every single one of us has our insecurities, it's a part of our everyday life fitting in and existing in a world that expects the world of us. A world where we are told to pluck, shave, tint, tan, sculpt, paint, curl, enhance, inject, diet and reduce where we can. It can be overwhelming and the pressure to conform can cause us to lose our self-love, making us question our worth and value. A stunning way to overcome this though is through community and conversation. When we are open and vulnerable about what makes us feel insecure it makes us realise that we are not alone. Through conversation, we can connect and heal, re-shaping how we feel about ourselves and encouraging others' self-beliefs.


We have had some pretty raw and honest conversations in the office this week about what our insecurities are, where they form from, how we deal with them and things we do to remind ourselves that we are whole and perfectly imperfect just the way we are.

 
A general consensus of cause and effect was the growing influence of social media portraying unrealistic beauty standards. We cherry-pick the best situation, light, outfit and filter to enhance the most beautiful aspects of ourselves. It doesn't help that you can filter yourself to look like a completely different person, one smoother and more acceptable to some beauty standard that only truly exists within a virtual world.

So let's start that conversation. We opened up in office and we spoke about what our biggest insecurity is and what we do to help support self love and care. Here are our answers babes, we hope this inspires more self-love and self-care in your own life.

Something that I have always struggled with is the courage to speak up, even in general conversations with friends. I have always thought that my opinions and thoughts never mattered or made a difference to others. Overcoming this has been a life-long goal of mine, and sometimes I still struggle with. It really depends on the company I am surrounded by and how open and accepting they are as people.

Honestly though, working at Lahana has made this so much easier for me. The team is so open and honest and really values the opinion of everyone for all parts of the business. Working here, I have grown exponentially into my own skin and feel as though I am able to contribute more positively into the lives of those around me.

 

My body has changed over the years and I've learned to ride the wave of each era. My insecurity in this season of life is my stomach. I would not say I've overcome it 100% as yet. The mind is fickle with ebbs and flows. However, I've grown to love and appreciate my temple outside of the physical norms of society. I love seeing the excess skin knowing I've grown a perfect little human.

I'm confident in my body and know if I love me as much I do, the world around me will to. Two years ago I threw out all my high wasted bottoms and decided to love myself in its entirety. Deep appreciation and gratitude when I look in the mirror. I also have 'YOU ARE ENOUGH' written on my mirror with lipstick. Life hack!

An insecurity that I am constantly overcoming and making peace with is my curves. All the chocolate and snacks never went to my boobs, they always went straight to my butt and thighs (ruuuude). This is something I’ve had to just surrender to, that’s just me. Being in the fashion industry can come with a lot of comparison when working with models and influencers who have been deemed by society as “picture perfect”.

Through all of this though I’ve learnt to detach from these comparing thoughts (definitely still have my days of course) as I’ve grown to accept that we are genetically two different beings with unique bodies that do so much for us, and what a beautiful gift that is.

"I have the cutest little elf ears you ever did see. I look like a garden fairy in a human size, with my hair naturally falling to either side of my ears revealing two sweet little points.
Growing up it was a pain point for me and something kids would focus their attention on to highlight my difference. I remember googling ear surgery to get them pinned back so they weren’t so noticeable, allowing me to blend in and not feel so self-conscious about it.
 
Even then I felt uncomfortable about the idea of changing myself in order to conform, it felt wrong to try to alter who I was in order to make others more accepting of who I was. For years I spoke to my parents about it and considered it and it was probably not until my late teens that I completely put the idea aside and just embraced the elf life. It feels defiant in the best possible way when you choose to just appreciate your differences, I think once you do this you actually start to love those parts of yourself that set you apart from everybody. They are you, your defining characteristics that make up the whole of who you are. It’s boring to try and conform and be someone you are not. I genuinely love my fairy ears now and wouldn’t change them for the world".

I have always struggled with putting others first and my self last. I grew up with a complex of wanting to please people and confirm their happiness over my own. I would always put others first always and then be frustrationed with myself. These came from situations with my parents when I was younger. I still struggle with these insecurities sometimes and I don't think you ever truly overcome them, but I believe you can work and grow to become aware of them and have the tools to not let them control you. I found a lot of useful tools through a counsellor I was seeing at a stage of my life and I found that to be a great way for myself to understand and recognise the patterns.

I now have a greater sense of voicing my needs, even if its not perfect, its a new place for me and I am still working through it. I found that when I became a dad, it gave me another way of overcoming it and now I'm feel aware - I want to pass on positive behaviours and good barriers for my son.

I used to hold a lot of value to what others thought of me and their judgments etc. I have since been able to overcome this insecurity by looking inward and self-reflecting on who I REALLY am as a person. Now that I am clear on this, I find that nothing else matters. People's opinions and judgements very rarely hold any weight because I have done the work to know within myself, who I TRULY am.

I am not perfect and of course have my off days, however, the tools which have helped me include meditation, self-reflection journaling, breath work and affirmations.

Ultimately, you have no control over how other people perceive you, so you might as well be the person you want and ARE anyway x x

My bucket of insecurities, like most people is full of snippets of me that don’t make me who I am. Even though we take them on and think they define us, they don’t. My bucket of insecurities carries negative thoughts about both my body and mind, but as I have grown to learn about myself I have also grown to love myself, my quirks, my curves and my inner world.

Though of course my bucket is still heavy to hold, I took on the idea that we each are ONE in a trillion, present, blessed and ever evolving. If I am not me than who am I? The challenges I experience are meant for me and if I accept and acknowledge my insecurities they won’t be able to hold me down!

Be YOU Always x

Straight after high school I felt the pressures of real life, deciding who I wanted to be as a person as well as where I wanted to go. These pressures had a really big impact on my self-esteem and confidence and I found myself comparing every aspect of my life and appearance to everything and everyone. I developed a major weight insecurity and subconsciously became very underweight. My insecurity at the time was my entire self and not being happy with who I was.

I over came my insecurity through reading self love books ( My personal fav is “Women don’t owe you pretty”), journalling, soul searching and discovering what my passions were in life. I put my heart and soul into learning to appreciate my beauty and all my flaws. Discovering my love for designing and working for Lahana also had a major impact on my life and helped me discover a confidence in myself I never knew I had.

My biggest insecurity has been my skin since I was very young. I've always suffered from bad eczema on my hands and arms, I went through a period where it was so inflamed I had open sores on my body. My hands were red, raw, swollen and so irritated I could barely use them. I was in a lot of discomfort and pain and hated showing my skin. People would often comment on it, which only further increased my sense of discomfort. It affected my self-confidence a lot.


I tried pretty much every cream and tincture, but since learnt that a healthy balanced diet helps to keep not only my eczema at bay, but keeps my mind and body healthy and thriving. Feeling good in my body and knowing I am feeding it the necessary nutrients to support my well-being has drastically improved my mental and physical health. I am so grateful for my body and I know that tender love and care for my physical space contribute to my mental space. Treating my health with conscious, respectful decisions has helped to foster positive self-worth, and healthy decision-making has really helped me overcome my physical ailment and in turn my mental.

Growing up, I found I was confident as hell and would never shut my mouth in class. I was always getting in trouble for talking and being loud. However, the minute it came to public speaking and getting up in front of class, I would always shake and be a nervous wreck. I didn't overcome this the whole way throughout school.

It wasn't until I got to Uni that I overcame my fear of public speaking and being the centre of attention in front of a bunch of people. I started to really excell at public speaking, absolutely smashed it. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I definitely became more confident in my self and cared a whole lot less about everyones opinion. I also became confident in the subject matter I was talking about, I was truly passionate about what I wanted to say. It was probably a combination of lot of things, but now it doesnt bother me at. Be confident in yourself and what you have to say, people value you.

We hope by sharing we open up the space for more conversation and more vulnerability. In that sharing, we can not feel so alone in the inner struggles we go through as human beings. We are complex babes, each of us working on ourselves daily to be more confident and whole versions of ourselves. Keep being your vibrant self out there and know it's ok if you are still working on your insecurities, you are not alone in that space.


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