Self-pleasure is a topic that can make some people either feel inspired by or uncomfortable about. It’s a topic that was or is not widely discussed in sex-ed at school or with a majority of mothers and fathers growing up. It’s a topic that can often make us feel shame or embarrassment when discussed openly. But when we look into the why, we can discover some uncomfortable truths society perpetuates about women's pleasure and the right to total autonomy over our bodies. We are sexualised by the world but often condemned for showing desire, pleasure or our bodies in a way that is confident and self-possessed. The world has the right to our pleasure, but we do not. We don’t consign to this idea and feel like the practice of self-pleasure is an act self-care and of defiance against the idea that your pleasure is only an objective act to be enjoyed by everyone other than yourself.
Pleasure and sex should not be a performative act, a repetition of a visual narrative that is harmful to ourselves and/or our sexual partner/s. That means that we need to know what pleasure is, on an individual level, and to know how important it is to truly know ourselves and our body’s.
Self-pleasure is a tool in our self-care regime that allows us to peel back the layers of shame and reclaim the physical space of our bodies as our own. For sex and sensuality to be more than performative or one-sided, grounded in the experience of the body. It’s a tool for empowerment, an avenue of learning, that can enhance your ability to be truthful with yourself and to know yourself more deeply. From that, you can grow your ability to be direct, and more aligned with what you want and how to communicate it.
Incorporating a self-pleasure routine into your week reclaims your sexual well-being, and your pleasure becomes something within your control. That personal exploration can greatly enhance your knowledge of self and help you to be able to access that more readily with your chosen partners. Good sex, whether alone or with a partner comes from first knowing your body and understanding what gets you off. This energy once unlocked can not only benefit your sex life, but help reduce stress, inspire your creativity and strengthen relationships with romantic/sexual partners. Not only does it benefit you on a personal level, it also helps others with their own sex education, and helps undo society's restrictions around women's body’s and their right to experience rather than to be experienced.
Important topics like this left undiscussed only leave us in the dark corridor of shame and intrigue. Left undiscussed and unexplored keeps the rights of pleasure outside of the body's experience instead of within. Where they should be rightly housed and rightly enjoyed. There is no shame in knowing what you want, however knowing that can sometimes take some work. So here are tools and resources to dive into, if you are interested in self-pleasure for self-care: